After watching a lackluster 2012 NBA Dunk Contest I decided to come up with some new rules. Hopefully, NBA Commisioner David Stern is listening, but I’m not holding my breath. Filled with too many tries, too many props and a glow in the dark uniform, which seemed to be covered in Mesolithic cave drawings, I decided to make my appeal for a few changes.
1: Shhhh!!! – We don’t need a choreographer, especially former NBA guard, now TNT commentator, Kenny Smith giving shout outs to everyone and getting robbed of the microphone by Bad Boy Record Executive Sean Combs. Unless this is the Kenny Smith Dunk Contest, shut it down!
2: Over No More – No more jumping over planes, trains or automobiles. No more motorcycles, semi trucks or helicopters. No more objects or people. Just get creative and dunk. No more props please.
3: Two Balls – Everyone should be required to use two balls for one of their dunk attempts. This increases the degree of difficulty and encourages creativity. This should be the only amendment to rule number two. You can jump over anything if you got the balls.
4: Clap On – Unless the venue forgot to pay the electric bill, keep the lights on.
5: See No Evil – Every player should have to do a blindfolded dunk, period.
6: Comedic Relief – Former NBA Hall of Fame forward, now TNT commentator Charles Barkley, and the rest of the crew, should be heard over the loud speaker in the arena so everyone in attendance can laugh as hard as I did.
7: Pencils Down – Get rid of the time limit. Three tries minimum.
8: Best of the Best – Let the fans pick two of the dunk contestants. My vote for this year… Los Angeles Clippers Forward Blake Griffith and Miami Heat Forward Lebron James.
9: Defend the Title – The defending champ, baring injury, should be required to return and hold it down.